I shouldn't be tired. I'm not sleepy, but I shouldn't be tired either. I napped from 6 till almost 9 last night, then J and I got up to have dinner. We got back before 10 and I read until 11 and turned out the light, and was asleep around 11:30 (well, just before that, but then as I was finally dropping off Zephyr wanted loveys so I obliged him for a couple minutes, then told him "sleepy time" and laid back down). Granted, I didn't sleep continuously from then until 5:30; I got up at 2am thirsty as hell and got some water, and then Zephyr pulled his now-usual 4am "I WANT LOVEYS AND AM PURRING AT YOU AND TRYING TO STEP ON YOUR BOOBS" thing. However, neither interruption cost me more than 5 or 10 minutes' sleep, so even adding those up I got a total of over 8 hours' sleep. It felt great. Yet I'm still kinda muddle-brained sitting here at work.

I blame the disturbing dream I had which there is NO way I will speak of, and the fact I was dreaming when my alarm went off. That's always a bad start -- I wake up groggy when my alarm yanks me out of a dream.

I am amazed my sleep schedule didn't get totally FUBAR from being sick. First I slept from, I dunno, midnight to 5:30 fitfully Thursday into Friday. Then I fell back asleep after emailing in sick to work and dealing with freshly awakened sinus troubles, so about, erm, 7:30 or 8am, then slept until about 1 or 1:30 (can't remember, that was almoast a week ago now). Then I couldn't sleep at all Friday night, falling asleep around 7am and sleeping until a little before 9am when the UPS was beeping because the power went out. (After waiting on hold about 10-15 minutes I found out a tree fell on a transformer. Eesh.) Went back to sleep for an hour or two more, somehow waking up because the power came back on. (Our alarm clocks don't make any consciously discernible noise when they come back on, and we had no lights on. I'd turned off the UPS so it'd quit bitching. I must've heard the ceiling fan in the computer room turn on. Weird, huh?) I fell back asleep for another hour or two, maybe, most of it drifting in and out of consciousness. Saturday into Sunday I couldn't sleep again, and the last time I saw the clock it was 5am. Woke up to Pele mrowring pitifully in the hallway to be let into the spare room (she's done that at least twice now) and stayed awake because of sinuses. Then Sunday night I was exhausted but couldn't sleep until after 1am, then Zephyr woke me up for food at around 3am, and I slept fitfully after that until my alarm went off 5:25 Monday morning. I emailed in sick again, no way I was going to sleep with< 3 hours' sleep after being sick (still kinda was, it was my sinuses keeping me awake still). I finally, finally feel asleep again around 6:30 or 7am, and slept soundly, waking briefly here and there, until almost 3pm.

Given all that... the biggest reason this week I didn't get enough sleep was the later than planned Maraudon run Tuesday that had us up till midnight. Then I was able to nap yesterday and still sleep pretty well last night. I figured my body'd get used to sleeping from early morning till early or midafternoon and I'd have a hard time resetting myself. Not really.

Bleh, I'm probably still technically working from a bit of a sleep debt from all that. I think I'll be hitting the pillows earlish again tonight. Hopefully I can avoid napping and just go to bed around 9 or 9:30. I just wish Zephyr would stop insisting I wake up and pet him and such at 4-4:30am. He gets all purry too, and he hardly purrs, so of course I feel guilty if I ignore him. (Plus, he makes himself really hard to ignore. He'll sit down either on me or next to me, with his tail carefully positioned to fall across my face. If he's next to me, that also usually means he's sitting so that his back fur is in the rest of my face, if I'm on my left side. Also, he's very good at using the PSI of his weight resting only on his paws, to walk on places that don't like that kind of treatment.)

Mrff... I could ramble on nonsensically for hours, just mindlessly coming up with things to write sheerly to feel the rhythm of typing and to avoid having to do any serious thinking. But, I have a real project I was given yesterday afternoon, with a short and clearly defined deadline, so I need to get cracking. It's just so hard to cncentrate...

Mostly my reference. I mostly read comics at work, organized in folders by when they update (well... "daily", "M-F", etc. plus a misc folder for those loose-end ones with different schedules). Anyway, I have lots of them I haven't added to my bookmarks at home, which I only notice when I stay home from work (I missed both Friday and Monday).

M-F

• Dr. Devious Vs. Lincoln High (goal is M-F, hasn't happened much)

MWF

• Life on Forbez (moved from one of the ModernTales sites... just recently announced a once a week schedule but not a specific update day)
• Girl Genius 101 (will change to current GG comics page and sift archives once 101 gets caught up to the start of that)
• Penny and Aggie (recently disappeared from Girlamatic, turned up at own URL as a Keenspot comic)

Misc

• Monday: Comedity
• Wednesday Tuesday & Friday: The Pet Professional (just decided to go to this new schedule)
• Unknown: Hopscotch
• Monday & Friday: Better Days (yes, a little weird and over-the-top sometimes in how it looks at certain actions of its characters, but... it's interesting)
• Thursdays: The Seraph Inn (LOVING this one!)
• Unknown: No Need For Bushido
• Wednesday: The Perry Bible Fellowship

I think that's all of 'em. I probably need to add them all to my list of comics I read that I have online as well, under my links list. And of course that's a bit out of date anyway. Priority 1 is to get these on my home bookmarks though.

Been sick all day, sinuses & such, and I stayed home.

The record is the longest I've gone without falling asleep when feeling drowsy enough for a nap: over 9 hours. Around 9pm, after we finally ate, I figured I'd go ahead and log out of WoW and sleep for a while. I haven't gotten more than 5-10 minutes of sleep since then.

I'm going to try, yet again, to go to bed. This time I have a snort of Flonase on the left side of my nose + Nyquil, which one or the other seems to have finally gotten me to where I might have a chance. Maybe. I'm not holding my breath.

So they're doing a webcast right now for all us in the IT organization (quite large) to view. Questions were submitted ahead of time, and there's a phone # to submit them that way as well as a form to submit them during the webcast.

Too bad the connection apparently degraded so badly that the only thing that changed when it should was the chart they were currently showing. The live feed started awesome, then it started getting the occasional stops followed with a "catchup", then getting longer stops where the catchup was only a half second then it started playing the current spot again, then stops in video with sometimes the audio still working, and then I gave up and closed out when the video rarely changed at all and there was no more audio.

(And this is with requiring IE and WiMP. More than likely it's due to the network.)

So... yeah. I'm sure there will be the inevitable link tomorrow in email to a survey on what we thought of the webcast. You can be assured they'll be hearing that it was worthless because it became unviewable. I learned absolutely nothing from it. Maybe I would have if it actually stayed working, I dunno.

I think I've avoided getting sick. Last night I left work almost an hour late and still had to pick up kitty litter and cat food on the way home, so I didn't get home until after 5. However, not a whole lot longer after that, J and I both fell asleep for an almost two hour nap. I was still kinda groggy, but I figured we ought to eat something, so J cooked up some hamburgers & hotdogs we had left over from Saturday. At about 8 J dug out his big Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy volume, that has all of the original smaller books in it, and I read that for a little over an hour. It was a little after 9, and I was still quite tired, so I went to bed. I slept solid until when J came in, only vaguely waking as he leaned over me to turn off my bedside light, then again until 4am when Zephyr decided he needed lovies. (I'd ignore him but he was purring sooo hard, so I pet him while he first stood then lounged on me. 15 minutes later he was done and got down, and I fell right back asleep.)

All told I got about 10 hours of sleep. I woke up this morning with my throat not hurting anymore, and while I didn't feel all refreshed and go-go-go, I am a whole lot less tired today. I may even make it without an afternoon nap, though I'm feeling that post-lunch drag and would love a nap now. Unfortunately it'd be noticed if I disappeared for a half hour, or crawled under my desk for a nap. So, I'll see if I can hold out until 3:30.

Also, things are looking good for the production issues I've had the pleasure of working all week. We never did figure one problem out, but they're running again tonight anyway so we're just going to wait and see if it works right tonight. The other, I'm just waiting on some codes to be given me and files to load, and I'm going to run it through our test system to see if it gets fixed. I may get to actually get some code written this week, woo.

Whoooo boy.

Apparently I'm the latest person my coding-challenged, computer-challenged coworker (yes, I'm in IT, on a team that writes a particular web application) has identified me as the latest latch-on person. The only fortunate part of the note he sent me is that I can 100% clearly, safely, without repercussion, fob him off on our team lead. What he asked for is 100% not my decision to make.

Why it can be frustrating to have a 'programmer' who can't write code without a babysitter...

We just recently did goals discussions, optional-but-not-really discussions with your immediate supervisor to discuss your personal goals as they relate, or don't relate, to your career. Fine, right? Weeeellll... except in this case. We're doing a complete ground-up system rewrite of our application. Instead of writing our code in whatever IDE or text editor we feel like, and keeping the applet stuff in MS version control and the servlet stuff not controlled at all, just uploaded to the server for compilation, there's no applet stuff at all, we're running a tight MVC architecture and using a specific IDE tied to CVS with proper checkins and checkouts, and testing on our own PCs with Tomcat.

Our coworker who initially was tasked with researching what to use for the new system, from the package for the controller part of our architecture, to the IDE and version control, etc., was nice enough to set us up nicely. He wrapped up a quick no-trouble install of Eclipse and Apache, complete with settings that did things like control our code formatting the way we had discussed in meetings, ANT scripts to rebuild Hibernate -- our controller -- and setting up Tomcat right. All we had to do was copy some stuff over to a specific spot, run an EXE or two, and we were good to go.

This one particular coworker was not set up with any of this. The decision was evidently made to keep him doing the production support of the existing system as well as he can and have him keep an eye on loads processing, stand up new program administrators in our system, etc. In a nutshell, he does not have the skills in spite of being helped to write little bits in Java and having gone to Java training classes, to do anything in the new system, so he wasn't set up with any actions to do anything for the rewrite. I don't know if a conscious decision was made by anyone to do this, or if it was just kind of... done that way, but that doesn't matter at this point.

He just wrote me to say he'd put down "support of the new development/rewrite" on his personal goals. Okay, whatever, right? Except persuant to that, he said I should provide him a "copy of [my] codes or pinpoint where/how [he] can get them from the new system." He wants to familiarize himself with the new rewrites [sic] and thinks he can start by finding out where our user access module would fit in, which is the latest thing he modified (I use that term very loosely; most of the code in the modification wasn't written by him).

Pardon me while I pause for a long, gusty, desperate laugh.

Apparently all these meetings he's sat in since the rewrite haven't clued him in at all. I don't know if he's completely tuned everything out or has just forgotten it all. He thinks I can just show him where in FTP, or where on someone's hard drive, where the code is. He apparently also thinks the new system will somehow be a one-to-one copy from old code to new code, just all on the server side and shiny looking, with all the exact same functions behaving the exact same way.

It sounds like, even if it's not immediately, someone's going to have to set him up in Eclipse and with Tomcat. The thing is, even with the obvious, easy to follow instructions written up on how to do that, someone else will probably have to hold his hand through the whole thing and essentially do it for him. Add to that, he's going to have to have a 10-15 page detailed document on how to use it. Seriously, there's OMG MULTIPLE VIEWS in Eclipse: Java, CVS, etc. He's not even going to understand that, let alone how to keep things in sync, or when to NOT check code back into CVS -- you do not check it in if it doesn't compile, or how to properly start and stop Tomcat to test, or... you get the picture. That's not even beginning to discuss the issues he's going to have understanding any of the new coding practices, or the difficulties he's going to have actually writing the code itself.

Sadly, you're thinking all this could've been avoided if he'd been stood up with all of it when the rest of us were, right? Hehehehe, I laugh, for you would be wrong.

So... basically, anything he ends up assigned to do in the new system is going to really actually be taking time away from one of the rest of us. In fact, it will probably mean it's going to take more time out of that person's schedule (whoever it ends up being) than if that someone else were assigned to do the task in the first place. Because you can't just write a chunk and tell him how to go get it. Oh no. To help him write anything, it means mostly sitting at his desk pointing out how to do things, sometimes telling him what to type and others typing it yourself. Or, telling him where to copy and paste some code from. Yes, it really is that bad. That's how anything he's "written" has gotten done on the current system. I'd guess that 95% of the code he's "written" has either been generic-type stuff copied from other code, or written by someone else. For real.

I don't even want to think what happens if/when he's ever assigned to do any JSP writing, particularly if it has to use *gasp* Struts tags. That's a whole different ball of wax even from the actual beans we're writing. Or explaining to him for the 5th time that business logic does NOT belong in the JSP, nor does it belong in the Hibernate stuff that actually gets the data from the database and packages it up in a Bean for the business logic to actually work on. Or even explaining to him that, no, the HTML does NOT come out by doing "out.println" in the actual Java code. I could go on and on and on with the things that are going to need explaining, then re-explaining, then re-re-explaining. Every hour.

*sigh*

Someone please tell me our team lead will find a way to kinda push this off a lot further. Fortunately our business analyst still has stuff she can task him with to keep him from seriously thinking about input to the rewrite, but it'll probably only take him a few days to a week.

I'm even more tired than yesterday, which I guess makes sense since I got slightly less sleep, but I shouldn't be quite this tired when it's only Tuesday. However, I think I might be getting a cold. After I was up and moving I noticed my throat's a bit sore. I figured it just got dry overnight and that with my perpetual vaguely itchy sinuses I'd had overnight drainage as well. Except, it's still with me, and my sneeziness feels just a little... different. So I guess I have my latest cold coming up, or something. And J woke up feeling nauseous today, though he did manage to eat a banana for breakfast.

Anyhow, before I forget everything I figured I'd write the stuff I'd been meaning to write, as best as I can remember it.

Let's see... some time back we got a gas powered mower from someone for the cost of repairing it, because the person we got it from got it from someone who didn't know how to fix it and just decided to replace it. Fine, except when we finally got around to using it, we found it's basically junk. J tried working with it a few weeks ago and it would just die, or try to die, on mowing just a lawnmower-length section of grass. Didn't matter what throttle setting he used, it just didn't want to stay running. He let it sit on the porch for a few weeks thinking maybe that'd help since we hadn't stored it completely upright before. He found out this past Saturday it wasn't any better, so he decided to get a new one. He and Mark ran out to Sears and found a Craftsman mulching mower for $100, 3 year warranty, preassembled & oiled up, just needed gas. Apparently it works fine.

We also found out Saturday the coils in our oven won't light up. He'd gotten some premade cookie dough, sliced and everything, from a fundraiser at his HS and was going to make them. They'd sat with the light still lit, indicating the oven hadn't warmed up to its set temperature, for over 15 minutes. (I need to remind him you preheat the oven before putting the cookies in; bake time doesn't include having the cookies in the oven while it's warming. ) I slowly turned the knob to see what it'd heated to, and it hadn't. Light never went off. He opened the door and showed me the coils weren't even red at all. So... now we need to replace the oven/stove. Not that I'm crying. I'd idly thought of ways I could do something "accidental" that would end in its demise. For one, there is no handle on the oven, and nowhere I could find that one could ever have been attached. For two, I'd much rather have a gas range. I don't care so much whether the oven itself is gas, but gas burners >>> electric burners. There's no anticipating turning them down early when a recipe says to turn it down -- with gas, it's down from high to medium or low right away rather than waiting for coils to cool off. Anyway, the biggest hassles are that this probably isn't that cheap, and that we will probably need to call the gas company to find out what we need to do to get gas into the kitchen (I'm guessing it isn't).

My Night Elf Hunter is now level 50 and well on her way to 51. I hit 50 yesterday afternoon while J was napping, in less than an hour of play. Of course, later last night J hit 55 so I'm still 5 levels behind (he created this character to catch up to me so we could play together... only he kinda overshot ). It's becoming more and more obvious that my lazy ass self needs to stable my pet so I can learn claw & bite from another, then teach it to my pet so it can do lots more damage and hold aggro better.

I know I had more to say, but it's just not coming to me. On top of that I have some load processing, in a particular area I know bupkis about, to troubleshoot. That should be fun. I doubt I'll be able to figure out a damn thing by the time my team lead gets out of his meeting. He doesn't know much about the processing either, but he knows more about it than I do. (The person who actually does know the stuff, because she wrote it, is on vacation. It would figure this would happen once she left.)

There are so many things I want to write about, but I'm still in such a thick mental fog right now. And that's with actually getting a good 6 hours of sleep in, which is amazing for me for a Sunday night. Obviously 6 ain't enough, even after getting 10+ hours of sleep Saturday night into Sunday.

That new theme I'm working on, that's based on an LJ theme I'm now using... well, I've never liked the idea of using the same color for visited and unvisited links. It just seems un-user friendly to me. So I'm trying to come up with a different color for unvisited links. I'm using a sort of brown now, but... It doesn't stand out all that well next to really dark navy text.

So, given a screenshot that I took of a section that shows pretty much all the available colors, and assuming right now I'm just looking for a dark color to go on the lighter background colors, are there any other colors anyone could suggest? RGB or hex values are fine, or links to modified screenshots with a new color in place of the brown text in the shot. I just want something that doesn't look almost the same as regular non-link text without squinting, and doesn't look almost the same as visited link text. Well, and... light colors on light backgrounds flat out won't show up, so something dark. Perhaps a darkish red of some shade or other? Most dark greens are going to be too similar to regular text, and medium greens are going to either not show up as well or look too similar, at least that I can tell, to the visited links. And... orange shades clash, badly. I am definitely open to suggestions however.

Apparently Greg got some feedback to change his mind...

Also, based on the feedback from people regarding the women's Feugo shirt, people seem to HATE the fact that it's pink. Which BAFFLES me, since pink edged out the other colors in the poll we did, so why on EARTH nobody seems to want pink is beyond me. But the fact remains - pink ain't so popular. So, I'm going to either go with a nice sky blue/aqua shirt (same style), or a medium green/dark green shirt, rather than pink.

So... I still won't buy it unless I lose about 30-40 lbs and it's still available somehow (it's in preorders right now, so I dunno if he's gonna sell it beyond the preorders he gets), but it'll be in a better color. I'll have to find out what the new colors actually look like, to see if I care enough to drop him a line on which color looks better. Again, it's still a babydoll, but it sounds like it'll be an improvement.

Greg of the Real Life comic, writes this in a newspost:

Speaking of which, the Men's Fuego shirts are doing pretty well - but ladies, where you at? If we don't get any more preorders in, we won't be able to do the women's shirt! And that's no good for anyone! How else will you be able to proudly display a fun-to-pronounce spanish word, and do it in STYLE? It's a sexy shirt, too! C'mon now!

Well... heh. First off, it's a babydoll. I certainly can't speak for any other women out there, but I just won't buy a babydoll shaped t-shirt. The sleeves are too damn short, it's too body-hugging, and it's not long enough. I have fat upper arms, so the sleeves are strike one. You pretty much have to have thin, preferably toned arms to for those to be flattering. I do not like body-hugging shirts for the most part, unless I wear them under something else. I just don't have the figure for it, so I'd have to buy an extra size or two up from usual to make it not hugging anymore, so strike 2. Plus, I like my t-shirts not to show 4" of belly when I reach up to scratch my head or get something out of a cabinet or off a high shelf. A shirt that barely reaches the waist line or an inch below that will definitely break that rule.

Plus... it's pink. I don't wear pink. The only exception to that for me are the occasional not-carnation-or-baby-pink pink bra (it's kind of a medium to dark pink, not fuscia though, that I detest), and nail polish and lipstick that technically fall under the pink category. This is totally full on girly pink, and I just won't wear that. Some months back he had a poll on what colors people'd like to see for the mens' and women's shirts, and I was voting the blue shade for that one all the way.

Of course, enough people voted pink for the girls color, assuming he took the poll seriously, that this was the chosen color. However, I guess no one's buying after all. Very interesting.

And yes, I felt like overanalyzing. Takes my mind off certain things at work. If you like the shirt, that's fine and I don't think others are bad for buying it, it's just not for me. (And I'd buy the men's shirt if it weren't this awful dark grey color with orange along the collar and sleeve hems.)

J and I went to Cancun, our favorite Mexican restaurant, for Cinco de Mayo yesterday (the ultimate one, 05/05/05) after I got home from my hair appointment (yea no roots and redder hair again!). I learned two things.

One, my bachelorette party was not a fluke: drunk women like to dance with me. We were out on the patio where the DJ and cheap tequila shots were, while we waited for a table. This perhaps-slightly-older-than-me lady who was rather drunk, reached out and had me dance with her. She complimented me on my ability not to spill my beer while dancing, and twirled me slowly so as not to upset that.

Two, there is a recording of La Cucaracha that has one word changed in it for the chorus. Instead of "[...] cigarrillos qué fumár" it was changed to "[...] marijuana qué fumár". I was very amused. I told J I'd have to tease my dad that he didn't tell me the original lyrics, but we figure that what we heard last night as we were paying the bill was probably not the original version.

Oh, and yea! for a restaurant that has Dos Equis Amber on tap.

I just spent the last... I dunno, half hour or more upgrading to MovableType 3.16 from 3.14. I had to do it in a web interface, with a max of 20 files at a time. (CPanel only does 12, so I'm thankful to have those extra 8 from mwftp, a PHP-based FTP program that is free if you don't want file download features. It also doesn't chmod every file to the default 644 when it's overwritten, regardless of its original permissions, which CPanel does for some stupid reason. Its file upload is also a lot faster.) I had to upload some 400 files.

Ugh.

Oh well, maybe I'll get email now when I get the rare screened comment to my funny forwards or as an entry in my guestbook. Supposedly that's one of the things that got fixed.

I have 16px height icons for all my different categories, but until late last night not all of them were the same width. I ended up shooting for 16x16 so I had to change a few. Some got snipped by 1 or 2 pixels yesterday afternoon, which was barely even noticable. The rest I ended up making completely new images for last night. So if you see a few different pics that's why. Or, if you're not seeing new pics at all ("news links" is one of 'em), then clear out your cache.

I'm also ashamed to admit that before I've even 100% finished a replacement for the forest theme, and before I've done much work at all on a WoW guild theme for the forum (we're moving, too... change back to the old guild which we still held thru one of J's lvl 1 alts made for the occasion), I'm over halfway through another site theme. It's inspired by the new theme I'm now using on LJ called Flexible Squares. Even there I've changed colors and done a function overwrite to change and add some stuff, but overall it's unchanged. Mostly I wanted to see if I could get my category items to float the way the LJ icons do there. So... yeah. Due credit will be listed in the "Credits & Mentions" box when the theme is public, for those who choose it. I'm very tempted to use it as my new default, because it's actually quite clean looking, and amazingly enough I haven't had to make any tweaks yet for IE -- with it in its current state I viewed it for the first time and was shocked to see that everything worked and that no part of the display was borked. Jawdropping, to say the least.

I haven't been making any serious posts about me for a while, yet again. I go through somewhat-rapid-fire cycles of wordiness about my life and silence. I'll have spates where I simply have to post everything that crosses my mind and sticks for more than 10 seconds, and then I'll think of several things throughout the day to post, only to mentally shrug my shoulders and think, "Meh." So if I seem like I'm withdrawing, well, I probably am some. But I always snap out of it. Part of it, I think, is other drama stuff going on, and I think I'm a little afraid that if I get an itch to write a "serious" post, I'll start rambling on about it and then either post it and catch flak or waste the time by deleting those portions or canning the whole damn post. Not that I feel like being a bitch to anyone in particular, just... I don't know which of my opinions would be welcome, and some of them would probably come across as either sticking my nose where it doesn't belong or just doing it for the sake of being contrary. So... yeah. The same goes with things I've been pondering. The things I've been pondering, it'd be pretty obvious to some why I'd been pondering them, and said people might see it as a passive-aggressive attack even though it'd not be.

... *sigh* Obviously I'm swinging back towards being wordy and not withdrawn again. This was just gonna be a post about stuff I'm doing around my site. Sheesh. Though I think this one's not landing in the LJ, just gonna stay here, even though "here" is just as public technically.

According to this article, the incision to widen the vaginal opening done to prevent tears, called an episiotomy, doesn't really do what it's supposed to do. From the article:

For years, some doctors believed that an episiotomy, an incision to enlarge the vaginal opening during childbirth, would prevent spontaneous tearing that would be harder to repair. They also believed the procedure would help women avoid incontinence and improve their sex lives.

It turns out those beliefs were myths.

A new review of 26 research studies shows that episiotomies are linked with a higher risk of injury, more trouble healing and more pain.

Episiotomies also had no effect on incontinence, pelvic floor strength or sexual function. Women who had the procedure waited longer to resume sex after childbirth. And their first post-birth intercourse caused them more pain.

So... yeah. This is definitely something I'll be talking to my doctor about when the time comes. Granted, if a natural birth is being held up and an episiotomy could make it happen, and the other alternative is a c-section, I'd go with the former any time. Recovery from that is probably better than recovery from having a larger part of your stomach wall opened up. However, if my doctor doesn't already agree with me I'll probably be convincing her that I will not allow one unless it's absolutely necessary -- it won't be done as a matter of routine for me. And I think I'd be willing to switch doctors if necessary, to find one who's willing to abide by my wishes.