playfulkitten - Funny Forwards

Medical records

The following quotes were taken from actual medical records as dictated by physicians:

• By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.
• Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
• On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.
• The patient has been depressed ever sicne she began seeing me in 1983.
• The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
• Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
• Healthy-appearing decrepit sixty-nine-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
• The patient refused an autopsy.
• The patient has no past history of suicides.
• The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.
• Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
• She is numb from her toes down.
• The skin was moist and dry.
• Patient was alert and unresponsive.
• When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
• The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.
• The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant, with only a forty-pound weight gain in the past three days.
• She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
• Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.