playfulkitten - Funny Forwards

High School Answering Machine

The following is the answering machine message the Pacific Palisades (CA) High School staff recently unanimously voted to record on their school telephone answering machine system. Too bad they couldn't actually use it. This came about because they implemented a policy requiring students and parents to be responsible for their children's absences and missing homework. The parents had sued the school and teachers because they want their children's failing grades changed to passing grades even though those children were absent 15-30 times during the semester and did not complete enough school work to pass their classes.

"Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school. In order to assist you in connecting to the right staff member, please listen to all your options before making a selection:

"To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1

"To make excuses for why your child did not do his work - Press 2

"To ccomplain about what we do - Press 3

"To cuss out staff members - Press 4

"To ask why you didn't get the information that was already enclosed in your newsletter and several flyers mailed to you - Press 5

"If you want us to raise your child - Press 6

"If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - Press 7

"To request another teacher for the third time this year - Press 8

"To complain about bus transportation - Press 9

"To complain about school lunches - Press 0

"If you realize this is the real world and your child must be accountable and responsible for his/her own behavior, classwork, and homework, and that it's not the teacher's fault fo ryour child(ren)'s lack of effort, hang up and have a nice day!"