playfulkitten - Funny Forwards

Philosophical Humor

• A person only needs two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape.
• Any and all complaints can be handled by simply saying, "Thank you," though it helps if you say it with a Southern accent.
• Some people are working backstage, some are playing in the orchestra, some are on-stage singing, some are in the audience as critics, who and where you are.
• When baking, follow directions. When cooking, go by your own taste.
• Never continue dating anyone who is rude to the waiter.
• Good sex should involve laughter. Because it's, you know, funny.
• If you tell a lie, don't believe it deceives only the other person.
• The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship: "I apologize" and "You are right."
• Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
• When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It's easier to eat crow while it's still warm.
• If he or she says that you are too good for him or her -- believe it.
• I've learned to pick my battles; I ask myself, "Will this matter one year from now? How about one month? One week? One day?"
• Never pass up an opportunity to pee.
• If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!
• Living well really is the best revenge.
• Being miserable because of a bad or former relationship just proves that the other person was right about you.
• Be really nice to your friends beacuse you never know when you are going to need them to empty your bed pan and hold your hand.
• Work is good but it's not important.
• Never underestimate the kindness of your fellow man.
• You are the only person who can truly make you happy.
• And finally... being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect; it just means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections.